I set out to make a perfect Christmas cookie to honor my son Jack Emerson who was stillborn on March 27th 2021. I needed a place to channel some of my grief and I needed to start cooking again. I chose a coconut macaroon because someone sent them from Old Europe when we returned home from the hospital without our precious child. My hope is that it will become a Christmas tradition to bake these cookies and remember a perfect little boy named Jack.
This cookie and this post are still a work in progress, but I wanted to get it posted. They aren’t perfect yet, but whatever batch you find here will be a great cookie. Thank you so much to those of you who baked with me or offered me feedback over the last few weeks. It means the world.
I miss you Jack
As anticipated, this 1st Christmas season has been so incredibly difficult without Jack. Everywhere I turn, I see what is missing, and what should have been. My son will never get to watch Charlie Brown Christmas with hot cocoa and marshmallows or listen to Christmas songs while we decorate our tree. He will never get to wear matching pajamas with his older brother on Christmas Eve, or run down the stairs Christmas morning to see if Santa brought the gift he wanted most. I’ll never hear his precious laugh or see the excitement in his eyes.
I’m so sorry you can’t experience these precious moments in life with your family. Every ounce of joy I feel is coupled with a vast emptiness. Truly as if a piece of my core is missing. A physical space of my being left with you Jack. I know there is a day coming where I will be whole again, but it sure does hurt without you here. Merry Christmas baby boy. I love you so much.Print
A coconut macaroon that tastes just like a memory of my precious son Jack. I’ve been working on this cookie recipe to honor my son during Christmas. My hope is that someone somewhere will bake these cookies during the holidays and know there was a perfect little boy named Jack Emerson. He spent a short little time on Earth and will be desperately missed every day for the rest of my life.
– A broken mama’s love
– A whole lot of tears
– Gratitude for the time we had
– Endless heartache
– Immense pride for a perfect child
And a few other things….
– 1 8 ounce bag of unsweetened coconut flakes
– 1/4 cup coconut flour (all-purpose flour is perfectly fine)
– 1 15 ounce can cream of coconut (found in the baking section of the grocery store)
– 1/4 cup whole milk buttermilk
– 2 egg whites
– 3/4 teaspoon table salt
– 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
– 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
– 4 ounce bar of Baker’s brand semi-sweet chocolate (or whatever chocolate you prefer)
– Optional – 1 teaspoon of orange zest (a recommendation from a friend to switch things up a bit)
1) Preheat oven to 325 degrees F
2) Pour the coconut flakes into a large bowl. (Add optional orange zest at this step).
3) In a separate small bowl, whisk together the cream of coconut, buttermilk, and coconut flour. Make sure it is well combined.
4) Add the wet ingredients to the coconut flakes and stir well to combine. I like to use a rubber spatula.
5) Add egg whites, salt, coconut extract, and vanilla extract to the bowl of a stand mixer or a mixing bowl. 6) Whip the egg whites in a stand mixer with the whisk attachment or regular hand mixer. This should take 30 seconds to 1 minute on high speed. The egg whites should be white and fluffy with soft peaks.
7) Fold the egg whites into the cookie mixture until just combined and allow to sit for 5 minutes or so
8) Use a small cookie scoop to form cookies on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
9) Bake cookies for 24 minutes total, rotating the pan halfway through cooking.
10) Allow cookies to cool directly on the pan.
11) Melt the chocolate in the microwave or over a double boiler.
12) Dip the bottom of each cookie into the melted chocolate and place them back onto the parchment paper (make sure your pan is completely cool).
13) Place the pan in the refrigerator until the chocolate is completely set.
14) Think of my baby boy Jack this Christmas or whenever you may decide to bake these.
Keywords: Jack, Christmas cookie, cookie, coconut, coconut macaroons, orange zest